Change is in the air…

…and it’s been a long time comin’.

Change is in the air. In so many ways, it’s in the air for all of us. But right here, in this space right now, let me give you a little backstory into how I, specifically, am encountering changes and in turn bringing them to all of you.

Needless to say, if you’ve followed me for any length of time then you know that the last three years have been fairly transformative for me. Upon fleeing my emotionally, verbally, and spiritually abusive marriage of 14 years (back in October of 2017) I was in the position to reassess every single thing in my life. It didn’t matter how small or how big, I had to look at it and decide what I thought about it. Everything from my favorite color, to the way I dressed, to how approached my faith, to how I wanted to parent my kids, were on the table.

Nothing was beyond the grasp of this reassessment.

Essentially, all my thoughts and opinions for my adult years (I had gotten married when I was 19) had been formed in direct correlation to how someone else thought and felt, and moreover, how they wanted me to think and feel. Coming out of that, I felt as though I was changing from an automaton, who had tried to do all the things that were expected of it but constantly somehow failed, to getting to become a person again who could decide what failure even looked like in the first place.

It was freeing and frightening all at the same time.

I Put in the Work

And so, over the past three years I have put in the work. I’ve gone to counseling to process the abuse and subsequent PTSD I was left with as a result. I have learned how to take care of myself and not feel bad about it. I have figured out my style, my preferences, my strengths, and my tendencies (even the not so great ones). I have recaptured who I am again and, in some ways, for the first time. It has been painstaking, sometimes both intentional and unintentional, and full of tears, joy, and laughter all at the same time.

During that time I also carried on with my podcast, Cultivating the Lovely, and “platform,” if you will. It was a lifeline, community, and tool for learning and growth. Much of the time I felt like a bit of a fraud, leading the charge into loveliness, but I plowed ahead anyway because I had to keep moving forward for myself and my family. I also deeply treasured the women who came alongside me in that process- each and everyone of you.

Most of the time, though, I felt like Cultivating the Lovely was just as a platform to promote other people’s wonderful experiences and messages. I was hosting them, quite literally, on my show and it was a comfortable place to be. We could revolve around the topics they brought me and I felt confident in my skills as an interviewer.

It was safe.

But what if…

…I could go in a different direction…

About a year ago, however, I started to feel the rumblings of a different vision. I began to feel pulled in some different directions with my content but didn’t know quite how to get there. Plus, I just kept feeling like my youngest was still in preschool and I simply didn’t have the time to pursue what a new vision could look like in earnest without more time. If I could just get her to kindergarten, maybe things would be different.

Ha! Well, joke’s on me! She’s heading into kindergarten and things are very different, but in no ways that I expected! In so many ways I have less time than I ever have as we incorporate virtual schooling and a new puppy into our lives. Not to mention that the last year has altered our lives in indelible ways, once again. Covid aside, I also went through my grueling 4-day divorce trial, lost my brother, had the divorce finalized, started a new parenting schedule, and began dipping my toes back into the dating waters.

Phew! It’s been a lot.

Even with all of that, and despite knowing that I wouldn’t have more time this fall, this summer I began to have it pressed upon me that now was the time to make the final break from my old life and overhaul my platform. As much as I have loved “Cultivating the Lovely,” the name and content has always been a little too sweet for me and never quite felt like the right fit. It has always been the thing that I thought I was supposed to be, rather than the person that I am- a little sassy, a lot of fun, pretty modern.

And so, I come to you now, ready at last to speak from my own experiences and my own story. Don’t panic- it won’t be all serious! (As if you ever actually wondered that might be the case! Ha!) Instead, I view this space moving forward as a place to show you how I managed to rebuild my life from scratch and how I’m living it today, as well as show you the things that make me, well, me.

A New Focus

Wellness
Beauty
Style
Planning
Life

We will focus on wellness (mental, physical, and spiritual), beauty and skincare, style (home and self), planning (of course), and a whole lot of real life! Some of these topics may sound like they are “surface-y”, but they have been integral in guiding me to remember who I am- they have played a huge part in my healing and growth. These things allow me to fully take care of myself and be that woman I rediscovered, day in and day out. In turn, these things also help me to be a better mom, daughter, and friend.